christmas in california
i’m home. this semester killed me. i’m feeling pretty down about my grades. i keep trying to tell myself that in the grand scheme of things, it really doesn’t matter… but to me it really does. i’m such a nerd.
i feel like every semester i hit the same road block. it’s always some class where i just feel completely helpless. some class where i can’t keep up, yet at the same time, i can’t own up to my pride and drop the class. i can’t continue to do this. i really can’t. i can’t afford to. i’m sick of my whining. i’m sick of this stress.
i want to do well. for no one but myself. but i’m struggling. it shouldn’t be this hard. i don’t understand.
everyone keeps asking what my plans are for the future, but i can’t even figure out what i’m doing now. i haven’t decided. i wish i knew.
things that make me happy:
my beautifully decorated apartment + my roomies
beautiful socal beaches, even in december
I’m coming home from my hardest year
I’m making plans not to make plans while I’m here
And this life has been no holiday, a complicated situation
I’m fine with all my memories
Still I could use vacation
It’s Christmas in California
And it’s hard to ignore that it feels like summer all the time
But I’ll take a west coast winter to remove my splinters
It’s good to be alive
It’s good to be alive
I’m coming home to the lights and buzz
Streets look the same, still nothing’s as it was
This place is paradise I’m sure, here’s my reservation
I’ve gotten lost here once before
Inside a good vibration
It’s Christmas in California
And it’s hard to ignore that it feels like summer all the time
But I’ll take a west coast winter to remove my splinters
It’s good to be alive
It’s good to be alive
It’s good to be alive
And time, time it stops for no one
The seasons come and go and that’s just time
Yeah time it stops for no one
The seasons keep on going
Whether or not we’re blind
– lights and buzz by jack’s mannequin
