a stream of thoughts.
the future.
sometimes i think about my major and wonder if it really is the “right” major for me. i mean there are so many studies out there that i don’t even know about. how do i know that i came into college and just happened to pick the perfect major for me?

i remember during senior year when i was trying to decide what major to put down for my college applications, i didn’t even know probably more than five different types of majors. i feel as if i don’t really know what careers are really out there either.

wow. i guess i’m kind of lost about the future. but mostly, i don’t really like to think about it.

i don’t really know if i’m doing what i want or if i just am doing what i think that i should be. there’s so much that i’m interested in too. i don’t even think i can complete it all in these four years. but i also feel like if i don’t take these outside classes, i will never see what’s outside of biomedical engineering.

i want to study something that interests me but also will take me somewhere.

relationships.
i hate the feeling of putting so much into a friendship and getting nothing out of it. anticipating something. but nothing ending up happening. i hate it when you see someone and you are both like “we should do something.” but never do anything.

and i’m a victim of this too, obviously. i think everyone is. unless you only have like one friendship to worry about.

being away from home makes keeping friendships so much harder only because it isn’t out of convenience to hold them. two people actually have to make an effort to keep in touch. when i look at the photos on my board, they are all remind me of good memories but sometimes they make me sad because i feel like i’ve lost friendships. but really, i guess it isn’t the length of time spent with the person, but really the memories you’ve shared with them.

school.
school can get so overwhelming sometimes, and then i ask myself why i’m taking so many units or why i decided to take some classes that i’m actually not even required to take.

but then i realized that i’m addicted to being busy.

and that without taking classes for the pure curiousity of what it’s about and not because it’s required, is what college is supposed to be about. or at least to me. i’m not taking the minimum and trying to graduate with as minimal effort as possible, but instead i’m trying to enjoy these four years in LA.
i kind of like it here…

but i’m scared i’m not going to graduate in four years. but i don’t know why because it’s perfectly fine to graduate in five having done everything i wanted to do.

and i don’t think i should load up on so many units next semester. because it gets exhausting. and i want to be more involved in other things as well. how about 18 units? or maybe even 16? haha.

RAVE// the weather is beautiful! a perfect skirt day.
RANT// this endless month of midterms is almost over.