mi cuarto

i have this dying urge to re-decorate my room. to re-arrange everything. to put pictures up, to paint my walls, to get new curtains. i don’t know. just SOMETHING. i want my room to better reflect me.

but i think that the very second summer after senior year hits, my dad’s going to make me clear out my room for my little sister. this sucks.

it’s like, what’s the use? but i did it to my brother when he went to USC. and i guess after i go to college, i won’t be at home as often. but it still would be nice to come home to a room of my own.

instead of feeling like i’ve been pushed out of the family. instead of feeling like home is really just a second home, a back up home. cause i like my house.

i love the view. i love watching the sunset each night from the loft.

i love having two stairways that have so nicely bruised up my shins. just cause i have a choice everytime i want to go upstairs. “the spiral ones… or the L ones?” just cause i can run laps in my house. (even though i never have) 😛

i love my room, just hiding out in it when i’m overcome with stress, or just when i feel like being alone. i love having a computer in my room. the privacy. a nice big desk. a bed filled with stuffed animals. everyone asks me how i sleep with all these stuffed animals on my bed. how can you NOT? don’t you feel alone?

i think that’s my biggest fear. being alone. having no one to turn to. having no one to lean on. having no one to listen. no one to listen to.

alone as in no-one-cares-about-you alone. not i-don’t-have-someone-to-walk-with-me-to-the-bathroom alone.

RAVE// swim was nice today.

RANT// i feel overwhelmed.