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i’ve been feeling so pessimistic lately it’s really been scaring me. and i feel like i havn’t been acting like myself. : i guess it is one of those times where suddenly you feel as if you aren’t in control of anything, and everything around you is changing. looking back this band season, a lot has changed. some friends i’m tighter with, others i’ve really drifted away from, but wat scares me more is the thought of what more change is going to come. i’m sure everyone’s been told “the only thing constant is change”, but sometimes people need closure. a sense of belonging that never drifts away. i guess that’s what family is for, but sometimes i wish there was more than just family to turn back to, like friends. i hate to say this but guys change a lot. my friends drift in and out with each new boyfriend, with each new crush, or watever. but i just want to keep them close sometimes and it hurts me that they’ll only turn to me if their boyfriends are gone. and drama gets bad with girls alone, but add in guys and sometimes i just want to scream. do some people purposely attract drama or is it just coincidental that every time something happens, some arguement, some misunderstanding… they are always involved? drama sucks. don’t people realize that? soemtimes you need to drop your pride and apologize. everything is okay. no one will think less of you if you step down, say that you’re sorry and move on.
i don’t really know where i’m going with this, but i guess this is just one really long rant that’s been bottled up for awhile. … so i guess i’ll continue. last tuesday was the begining of this program at our school called “breaking down the walls.” a speaker came in, and in his speech he said something that really made me want to stand up and shout “amen.” 😛 he told us that there are so many fake people in society, especially high school, he told us to be real. to be ourselves. and that is beyond the truth. no one will love you more than if you are just yourself. and truth is, if you’re just acting a certain way to please another, then they really aren’t your true friends because they don’t even really know who you are. so many people are really cool and nice, but once they get around certain people they try too hard, and to me, it just looks dumb. they think being an ass or a jerk is cool, they think making fun of other people is cool, but no. seriously, if you are yourself, you’re cool. because i like you the way you are, not they way you are when you try to impress everyone.
another thing i can’t stand is when people aren’t open with you. like when they are all secretive about what they do and who they are. it’s weird how you can think you are really close friends with someone and hang out with them constantly, and then suddenly realize that you know nothing about them, and that they probably know everything about you. how… unfair. it’s like there is this invisible wall shielding them from the rest of the world, and no one can get past that barrier. we want to get in, we want to get to know you, but why do you keep hiding. being vague and distant. i guess it just upsets me how it seems like you wish the worst for everyone, how nothings okay unless you are the center of it. : is it fun to exclude others, to make others feel inferior? i know you don’t try, but that’s how it comes off. be open with people. build connections. gain friends.
ok bak to guys. i hate it how some girls can’t bare to live without a guy.being single is like the worst thing to them, so instead they end up hurting themselves as they jump from one guy to another. they don’t realize that they’re also hurting a lot of guys, and not only this, if they would just slow down and look aroumd, maybe they could actually find a guy that they could stay with a little longer and who you could build a strong relationship with. relationships aren’t just physical, well at least the good ones aren’t. i guess people don’t realize that either. ::sigh::
RAVE// nothing really. i’m out of it.
RANT// ^ basically all that
